How to become a model and accept yourself with alopecia

-How did your story start? What happened to you?

– In general, nothing happened to me (laughs). I had alopecia when I was two years old, by the age of four I had no hair. Illness is a strong word, because it has its own signs and consequences, while for me the main consequence is hair loss. As far as I know, this is not curable. Hair will grow if the body can handle itself. In fact, this happens at the level of psychosomatics, for example, due to the stress experienced. Naturally, I do not remember what happened to me at the age of two. Hair loss is the body’s cry that it needs help, that it has some kind of problem.

-Have you ever had your hair grow back?

-Yes, in the spring hair, eyebrows and eyelashes often grow back, but then they fall out again. My eyelashes just fell out. The best growth of all time was observed in the spring of last year, the hair began to grow much better. I felt great, but then the exams and admission began. After that, everything fell out. I am now going to take a course with a gastroenterologist, I need to pass a bunch of tests, study micro and macro elements in order to understand the problem from the inside.

-Did you have complexes about your appearance? Was it easy for you to accept?

-For many, alopecia happens suddenly, I think it is harder for them to accept themselves, and I have been like this since childhood. In kindergarten, I went without a wig, the children treated me well, I still communicate with some of the guys. In elementary school, there were already unpleasant stories, for example, some did not want to sit next to me. But this rarely happened. There was one memorable incident in the first grade, a bully boy threw off my wig. I remember huddling in the corner of the closet and crying. It was the most stressful. The coolest thing is that in such situations I have never been alone, there are people next to me who support me. Even then, I realized that those who do bad things to me or someone else have their own personal problems, which they take out in this way. Over time, I simply stopped responding to such behavior, why should I be nervous again.

-Now you appear in public without a wig?

-I can with a wig, but I can without. In fact, it all depends on my condition and mood. When I get high on myself and feel good, I can freely be without a wig. There are moments when I am closed, I want to hide from everyone, I put on a jacket with a hood. I think this happens to everyone. Compared to previous years, I began to allow myself to be with friends without a wig. Before, I was always and everywhere with him: I swam, slept, went to the gym. Now I can easily go to the gym without it.

-How did you get started as a model?

-Last fall, I decided that I wanted to learn to accept myself, love and appreciate. Something had to be done. I called my photographer friend to take pictures of me. After the shooting, I asked her not to upload my photos until I decide to do it myself. As a result, I did not publish them for two weeks. One night I was chatting with a friend, she asked if I was going to post my photos without a wig, I said that I was going to. And yet she posted them on Instagram, put her phone away so as not to see anything, went to bed. The next day I was scared to see what was there. I knew that nothing bad would happen, but I was still nervous. I opened Instagram, there were a lot of positive comments, everyone wrote that I was very beautiful and cool. After that, a friend sent me a link to the Udmurt Top Model competition, and I decided to apply there. As a result, I was invited to the casting, it took place in Gorky Park. I am standing at the Izhevsk museum building, where the casting took place. Girls go there, and go, and I think whether I should go. Okay, since you came, you need to go. There are a lot of people there, I’m standing in a hat and don’t know what to do. Should I take off my hat? I took a deep breath, took off my hat and went to the casting. It was the first time I was without a hat and a wig in the company of strangers.

-How did you feel at that moment?

-I felt good. It gave confidence, strength and energy.

-What do you like most about modeling?

-Probably attention. I used to dream of becoming an actress, I was engaged in a theater group for 6 years, then my acting teacher went to live in another city, after which I stopped studying in a circle. This is probably why I like attention the most. And also to see yourself in photographs and in the mirror. Modeling experience helped me to accept myself, and the experience of studying acting helped me to pose well in front of the camera.

-Do you love yourself?

-For me, it’s not always the case. There are different moments, for example, there are two people who love each other, but do not always understand, quarrel. I have this with myself. Sometimes a complete idyll, but sometimes a depressive state. You need to go through problems with yourself and figure it out.